Arguing Well

We learn to argue at an early age; it's one of the prerequisites every child should achieve by the end of preschool. This is the crucial moment when children, so open to new learning and discoveries, can lay the foundation for social skills so important they can be considered the foundation for civil coexistence today. Many adults don't know how to argue, and oftentimes they either resort to avoidance strategies or yell at the top of their lungs without ever addressing the crux of the problematic, conflictual situation. If we think about it, none of our educators, much less any parent in the 1980s, taught our generation to argue. The daily advice was "do it your way and don't argue because later..." That "because later" left something unsaid that was a bit scary. Fortunately, today, much progress has been made in this regard, leading to the development of the Arguing Well Method.

Our school began adapting the method in 2013. The children who first used this method to manage their conflicts are now 13 years old. They are the elders who set an example for everyone else and who, in shared living situations, help the younger ones organize arguments themselves.

In preschool, the conflict corner is used for arguments that struggle to reach an agreement at first. We've observed that children often confront each other where the dispute arises, usually over possession of a toy. Only when things drag on and tempers begin to flare does one of the two disputants head to the conflict corner, or in other situations, an outside observer intervenes, reminding the disputants that "that's where you fight." This method has extremely positive effects if used correctly. It relieves teachers of the burdensome task of being judges of something they don't actually know. It's necessary to be honest with oneself. Even if a teacher has control over what happens in the classroom, when children play freely, it's impossible to hear an argument breaking out, to know who started it, and who's right. It's certainly much fairer to let the disputants exchange opinions and reach an agreement that best suits the situation. children feel more responsible and capable of managing relationships with classmates/friends.From ages 3 to 6, children in their families are still considered little babies to be cared for, incapable of defending themselves. By adopting this method, they learn the art of mediation and, through experience, understand how to curb their ego and sense of omnipotence. Not everything I want is possible, but I have the power to decide how to manage the frustration that comes from encounters and conflicts with others. The child also escapes the realm of "physical" conflict because the teacher, acting as the director of the situation, encourages conversation and discussion and, if necessary, reminds the disputants to reach an agreement. The quality of school life improves, and a much more relaxed atmosphere reigns. Parents have also learned. At first, they are always very incredulous, but then, seeing that no one gets hurt and that the children can cope on their own, they don't hinder the teachers' work; in fact, they tell us that some children ask to set up a conflict corner at home and, if they see their parents arguing, invite them to sit down and talk.